Consumer Report

Note to the deodorant industry: You have gone insane.

Since the last time I bought deodorant, apparently, things have gotten a little crazy. On the crazy scale, we’re talking the same level as when someone comes in and pitches "Alf" or "The A-Team" and everyone says, "Brilliant! Let’s do it!"* It’s difficult for me to believe that there’s been a precipitous drop in deodorant sales, economic downturn aside. So I simply cannot understand what would possess a company like, oh, Secret to launch a line with scents like Vanilla Chai, Jasmine Orient, Asian Pear, Arctic Apple, Brazilian Cherry, etc. (And, oh yes, there are more.) And might I add that the company has created "exotic" COMPUTER WALLPAPER for each scent?

If you want your armpits to smell like a vanilla chai latte, please slam your head into the mirror in your bathroom until you Stop Wanting That.

Not to mention that everything has been redesigned to appeal to either my grandmother or a 13-year-old.Softdri

My tried and true Soft & Dri conditioning silk hint of aloe (itself a bit crazy with the name) has been replaced with black and fuschia packaging that "pulses" on their site and makes me think of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.

*Except, of course, that without "The A-Team" our world would shine a little less brightly. Also, without the Breakin’ series. But jacked-up deodorant? We can live without.

9 thoughts on “Consumer Report”

  1. crazy, true.
    but i’ve long hoped for a fried chicken scented deodorant, though everybody seems to think this is a bad idea. maybe it can now be a reality.

  2. I’m pretty sure that fried chicken deodorant would result in death by dog in my sleep. Or at least lacerations.
    I say, dream big. The deodorant industry is willing to Make Things Happen.

  3. Oh heavens, what is the world coming too?
    I was on a Target run a while ago and one of my friends was supposed to grab some deodorant for another. I was rather worried by the way she lingered over the new Secret scents. Had to assure her rather violently that normal people do not want armpits that smell like food.

  4. Carolyn, you make me smile… and not in a creepy armpit-licker way.
    Micol, it’s true! I only wear deodorant in Vermont. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Did Secret get into the lip balm business when I wasn’t looking?
    But then, I cannot stand scented deodorant.

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