Drinking With Miss Universe

Mr. Cavin shares the rules for the Miss Universe Drinking Game:

In honor of tomorrow’s popular intergalactic aesthetic talent event, the Miss Universe Pageant, here are the rules of the eponymous drinking game, a time-tested ritual. First, it is necessary for each player to choose a contestant from the outset (it is routine to either pick a woman representing a favored country or to just shout out "her!" during the national dress parade, the first televised event). This Miss will be your chess piece as the game advances, her performance dictates your scoring. It is important to have a contestant in play; you might need to pick another one if your first choice fails to make it into subsequent rounds. I would very much like to choose Miss Japan, whose costume is the traditional "Samurai Stripper Robot." Sunshine always takes Miss Venezuela, who will be dressed as "Spiegel Matador."

The actual rules follow.

We will be playing along here in Kentucky (home of the recently Project Runwayed Miss USA, who has not a chance in hell), and with champagne to boot.

11 thoughts on “Drinking With Miss Universe”

  1. Miss USA’s from Kentucky? She came across really well on Project Runway, I thought. Might tivo the pageant just to see her wear that dress.

  2. Yeah, I thought she was pretty charming as beauty queens go. Perhaps the pag being in Los Angeles will tilt things slightly more in her favor, but the other countries pretty much raise their Miss Universe candidates from birth so… I’m really interested to see what the dress looks like too; we were so nervous that Kayne wouldn’t win for some reason and would be crushed.

  3. It’s so very true. Thank God my drinking game also serves to insulate me against such gackworthy judging decisions. Venezuela and Puerto Rico will probably go to war now that Puerto Rico has more crowns, and in Miss Mexico’s home town of Monterrey, we’ll all be wearing black tomorrow.

  4. Japan was robbed!
    You’re telling me. Man, I missed it by that much, but according to the people in the room, which you could probably hear from where you are, the judges missed it by quite a bit more. Like Robin Hood, you know, givin it all to the poorest contestants. What was up with the decoupage Miss PR was wearing anyway? It evoked “aquarium.” While we are talking about robbed, we should mention the excellent contestant from Trinidad and Tobago.

  5. Sunshine!
    I still can’t believe I picked Trinidad and Tabago during costume and she actually made it to the final 10.
    Also, please ixnay on the “changing teams” faux straight guy humor, Carson, okay? The judges = way uninteresting as a whole this year.
    Oh, Japan, you were too good. They ushered you off-stage too quickly.

  6. Mr Cavin!
    Miss PR had squashed-by-chain boob and yet, somehow, God and The Children were on her team. So unfair. At least it wasn’t Switzerland.

  7. Switzerland was like a cryogenic beauty queen built from the parts of beauty queens past; “Family! Values! Children!” then huge smile above huge bazooms.
    I thought she was lovely on Project Runway but I think Miss USA is going to look back with rue at her answers to those questions: “Sometimes I look sad b/c I am so busy cheering people up.” Doh.
    Japan was robbed! She was wonderful. But I must confess I liked Miss PR too. I had them in my top two, but with Miss PR as runner-up.

  8. I would have preferred Mexico to PR, because she was all serious and world-changey. Don’t get me wrong; I was okay with PR, but her eyes are like golf balls! Extra points for the chains though.
    I was definitely more impressed with USA on Project Runway than the pageant. Let’s face it: she got a pass because the judges were mostly USian and possible conspiracy theory involving NBC/Trump and The Dress. I feel a little mean about this, but I also got sick of “I’m a tomboy” — yeah, right!

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