The first installment in a (fingers crossed) occasional series now that we are Netflixing again. This probably should have started with Transformers, but Spiderman 3 will do nicely.
1. Emo Bangs! Seriously, who goes evil by way of Emo Bangs?
2. The Emo Bangs turn Spidey into a jiving ’70s guy — I so wish I was making this up. How did they convince Maguire to do this? Sam Raimi must have pictures of something really disturbing… but how it could be more disturbing than this sequence, I really don’t know.
3. James Franco’s Harry has a butler who seems–for lack of a better word–special and who gives such a rousing speech about love and mad boy love that I could Not Stop Laughing. Christopher’s convinced this guy is a random hobo who won the role in a contest using a public library computer.
4. They’re all supposed to be fighting over Mary Jane, but boys? Get a room.
5. Brilliant new storytelling! Inconsistent Characterization = Plot and Thinly Veiled Pretext = Plot Point.
See how I took the high road? I didn’t even mention Maguire’s baby double chin. (Not that I’m advocating for the current insane cultural skeleton fetish, but if Dunst showed up like this they’d either have her killed or digitally edit the excess away and she’d still never work again.)