Gwenda Bond

Irresistible Procrastination

Today's fun toy. Make your own--because, really, who can resist? Also, yay return of Game of Thrones.

Otherwise: Revising, juggling other work, trying not to flail, the usual.

Back soon.

With things.

Promise.

GENIUS AT WORK*

I'm not saying Llama Font fixes everything...well, maybe I am. For instance:

You will finish this novel. SOON.

How can it not be true if llamas said it? LLAMAS SPEAK ONLY THE TRUTH.

*This refers to the llamas and their creator(s), not me, obviously.

In Which I Provide Goofy Teen Pictures And Anecdotes

And write a letter to my teen self. Yep, I'm over at Dear Teen Me today and, trust me, I provided the absolute biggest hair pictures my mom could unearth. Bonus: Cheerleading pic. Enjoy!

(Thanks to the fabulous E. Kristin Anderson for the invite.)

April...Fools

The one and only Liz Burns has a great post about swearing off YA because all the past year's articles waxing on its darkness or inappropriateness are just too convincing not to. (Hilarious; go read it.)

*waits*

While I was writing up my April Fool's contribution in this vein, I kept getting mad! And so it was not funny, but ranty. Because those articles are crazy-making. Instead I just bring you two examples of foolish opening statements, which are remarkably similar and incredibly dumb, both from NYT articles in the last year:

"A literary novelist writing a genre novel is like an intellectual dating a porn star." - from Glen Duncan's ill-considered review of Colson Whitehead's Zone One (really, no one said it better than Charlie Jane).

And from this past week:

"The only thing more embarrassing than catching a guy on the plane looking at pornography on his computer is seeing a guy on the plane reading “The Hunger Games.” Or a Twilight book. Or Harry Potter." - from Joel Stein's screed--which I admit I didn't read past the headline and first paragraph of--about how adults shouldn't read YA.

So, no fooling...can we have a moratorium on opening your piece about some part of the literary world you think is downmarket* with a pornography reference to make it clear you really aren't being serious, but just baiting everyone? Also, NYT editors**, perhaps suggest a rethink when the next one of these comes in? It's getting a little obvious.

*In a perfect world, the people who write about these things would, I dunno, respect them at a minimum, but our world shall never be perfect.

**Kudos to Pamela Paul, by the way, for majorly improving kidlit coverage in the Times since she took over. Even the Stein piece was surrounded by far more sensible ones, which is progress.

#Topper Party

So TCM had a mini-Cary Grant marathon the other day, and one of the films included was Topper (which is also available on DVD, of course). Justine and I were bandying our love for it around with Ari, who had set up a timer but never seen it... And then Justine had the marvelous idea of live tweeting a simultaneous watch party from our respective corners of the world.

I'm stealing Scott's post about the relevant details, because lazy! but also busy! Here goes:

Next week I’m going to be live-tweeting an old movie with various friends around the world (namely, @justinelavaworm, @readingincolor, and @gwenda (ed. note from G--@scottwesterfeld is the other relevant twitter handle, of course). In other words, we’ll all be putting the DVD in at the same time, watching it in sync, and tweeting VERY witty things. Or just crapping on about Cary Grant’s amazing car, more likely. Why are we doing this? Because it seemed like fun, and @readingincolor hadn’t seen it yet.

The movie is called Topper, and is a screwball comedy about dying in a car accident and then messing with your banker as a ghost. (Seriously. People laughed at some weird stuff back then.)

If you’re on the twitter machine, please feel free to join in.

Time: 8:30PM US EST
Date: Tuesday Dec 27
(Sydney Time: 12:30PM Wed Dec 28)
Hashtag: #Topper

Join in if you like. It should be fun. After all, what is twitter for if not live tweeting old movies?

On Cleanliness

No, I'm not about to go biblical on y'all, but when I was fishing for a topic over on twitter, Paolo suggested: "How often should the average writer shower?"

This isn't going to go Dear Aunt G, though it certainly could. There are strong opinions.

First off, we're going to have to leave this whole "average" business out of things. Let's just get that out of the way now. Writers are too neurotic to get cozy with that word. "Me? I'm not *average*?" Or, ten minutes later, "I'm not even average. I'm below average. I can't even see average from here." And that leaves aside if we're talking about some mean of age/sex/race/etc. Which we aren't.

So, then we're left with just: How often should a writer shower? Scalzi proposed that if Paolo had to ask, he probably ought to go ahead and do it. This is true. If you're wondering, Do I need a shower?* The answer is almost certainly yes.

But, in my experience, it's the writers who don't wonder about this that truly need the guidance. In our house: I'm saying every one to two days. In your house: I don't care so much.

At any rate, Mr. Rowe (and Paolo and Catherine) can pretend it's about conservation all they want, but I know the truth of the freelance cave. It's the same impulse that leads people to grow beards until they finish a book, or to build elaborate sink pyramids. To order wingzone when the missus is out of town.

On a more serious note: Not completely losing touch with reality, even when you work at home, is important. Bathing regularly is part of that.

Hey, I made an entry. Now I'll just go hug my Lush bath products.

*I, personally, shower daily. At least.

Travel Day

We are off to the International Conference for the Fantastic in the Arts* (ICFA, aka science fiction spring break), where the sun shines brighter. I'm on a panel tomorrow, I believe, but don't have the schedule handy to nab the title and other participants at the moment. It's at 10:30 tomorrow morning; this happens to be opposite Christopher's reading--with Mike Allen and co-guest of honor Terry Bisson. If I were you, and not me, I'd go to the reading. But I'm sure the panel will be fun too.

Other than that, I will be by the pool or pool bar, as it were.

Airplane reading: Finishing up a book for review and then The Tiger's Wife.

p.s. I participated in the latest Mind Meld, posted today, about ideal SF television shows. I clearly decided to interpret SF as spec fic instead of science fiction, in this context, but only so I could give out some fantasy show love too.

*Where C and I were introduced by Kelly Link, lo ten years or so ago.

Doncha Think

Justine should learn to lindyhop? Actually, I don't care if you do, but I do want you to go say you do in her comments. C'mon, people! We need a hundred votes!

Strawberry Death Match!

My new favorite thing ever--or at least of today--via Sarah Cross: Frazetta-style* '80s cartoon art.

 

You'll understand if I tell you that my friends and I STILL listened to the ultimately trippy Strawberry Shortcake Exercise and Fun Album in high school (it ended brilliantly with a track called "The Bottom of the Sea"). But, seriously, I learned to DIVE because of Strawberry Shortcake--and then my brother blew her up. I couldn't love this piece more.

*Or possibly some other style that Jeremy references in the comments and which, I've no doubt, will inspire hearty debate on a topic of which I know zippo. I just heart killer Strawberry Shortcake. I fully support the analysis of her genius.

High Def or Werewolf?

This is a new game I've invented in an attempt to survive March Madness with my sanity relatively intact. Please limit contestants to coaches of college basketball teams. FOR NOW.

Example:

Clearly, WEREWOLF.

Practicing the Geek Squeal

I'm superexcited to check out some WiiWare games.

April Fool

Locus is up to its usual April first hijincks, including teasers from America's Next Top Writer:

Highlights of later episodes include Holly Black and Cormac McCarthy fighting over a toothbrush, Atwood's anger at waking up to find Shelley Jackson has tattooed a short story on her forehead, and Carey and Ligotti showing the other contestants how to square dance.

See also: Ed's handiworkings.

Okay

So, this is it for now, though I do still want to make a pretty banner. If you really, really, really hate it leave your godlike technical suggestions of how to make it better below. I ixnayed some of the sidebar content as well, to clean things up a bit -- if you actually miss any of what's gone, let me know.

Regular program set to resume.

I woke up with a terrible head cold. I blame the pink.

Le Sigh

Did I mention this is the WORST form of procrastination? I'm too tired and head explodey to mess around with it anymore, so this is what you get for now. Just pretend it reminds you of the ocean or something.

It'll probably be the weekend before I have time to fiddle with it more and attempt to come up with a pretty banner -- or redeem it in some way. But, by god, that middle column is wider. If nothing else (and honestly, nothing else I attempted even came close to working). I had no idea you all hated Strawberry Shortcake. Have you not heard the story of how I learned to dive because of Strawberry Shortcake?

Obviously not.

Good night and no template reordering/color code dreams. Why does Typepad hate me so?

Updated: Screw it. I just picked a simple template. The middle column maybe looks wider. Maybe. Still not happy.

Yes

I'm monkeying around with the template -- with briefly disastrous results. (I'm attempting to make a the middle column flush left and wider and the two sidebars both on the right, which isn't as easy as I'd hoped.)

Updated: Grrrrr. CSS is incomprehensible to me! I can't even figure out how to add a background image so it's actually beneath the columns of the page.

ReUpdated: Don't freak -- none of this is final yet. And things may be appearing and reappearing and disappearing for awhile.

Great Names No. 201

Bunny Crumpacker.

Mr T = Happy

Mr. T Visitor Guide: "Six Feet Under" House. There only seems to be one more right now, but here's hoping the series continues...

(Via the de-fabulous Pinky.)

The Good Kind of Silly

According to Lulu Titlescorer, Girl's Gang has a 41.4 51.4* percent chance of being a bestselling title. I'll take it. (Via Andrea Seigel.)

*I didn't see the proper noun option until I ran Roanoke. Whoops.

Choose Your Painter

Chance says there's a new memefication where you choose the artist who would paint you. (And Sharyn started it!)

After rejecting Lucien Freud (too pervy), John Singer Sargent (actually, he could paint me too), and Mary Cassatt (too solemn and way into babies), I decided on Lynda Barry.

(Note: I love the other three artists too, but not quite as much as Lynda Barry.)

Four by Four

This one's going around. I caught it from OGIC and Tito.

Four jobs you've had in your life: bartender, reporter, waitress, PR flack
Four movies you could watch over and over: Midnight, Happy Accidents, Rushmore, Run Lola Run
Four places you've lived: Bond, Ky.; Menomonie, Wis.; London, England;  Lexington, Ky.
Four TV shows you love to watch: Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, America's Next Top Model (addictive), Arrested Development
Four places you've been on vacation: Hawaii, Mexico, Las Vegas (I'm only putting this one on for sentimental reasons, because it was over X-mas), Paris
Four websites you visit daily: Bloglines (in other words, where I read most everything), MetaxuCafe, About Last Night (damn your partial RSS feed!), Washington Post online
Four of your favorite foods: pizza, sushi, burritos, champagne
Four places you'd rather be: in a museum, at the movies, in the bathtub, in a zeppelin, among friends

Hours of Fun

The archives of The Mavens' Word of the Day. Want to know the origin of a cut above (or high on the hog)? How about Agonistes? Or safe as houses?

Midweek Silly Quiz

Behind the cut. What cult movie is my life?

Funny Lists

I'm always forgetting to read McSweeney's lists. The recent Rejected Bond Girls by Rebecca Waits is fabulous:

Chlamydia Johnson
Pussy Notsomuch
Gloria Abortion
Noteeth McHarelip
Star Jones
Incestua
Plenty O'Hep
Jenny Arthritis
Xenophobia
S'phyllis

See also: Forthcoming Books in the Increasingly Mature Harry Potter Series

 

Silly Quiz Time

My brain is jelly. Got through to the end, but have to do a few more things before I can officially say I'm done. Close though. (However, still behind on email and must come up with story for class.) Need more brains, as zombies say.

So. Extremely silly quiz behind the cut.

Planet Ten!!!

Let the silly games continue!

Big Boo-tay!

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Via Dave Schwartz.

That's a Dirty Lie!

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Sort of doubting you can get a different result. It's the best I can come up with.

(Via Kim Colley.)

Archer w/ Wisteria

Because silly quizzes are where I'm at right now:

My japanese name is 遠藤 Endoh (distant wisteria) 弓美 Yumi (beautiful bow, as in bow and arrow).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

(Via Cecil.)

Punctuate Me, Baby

 

quotation marks You scored 61% Sociability and 76% Sophistication!

There is a lot more to you than meets the eye. You certainly get plenty of "action," but you'd be happier if those who lusted after you were more selective. You hate being used as a general intensifier; haven't these people ever heard of underlining? Italics? And yes, you remember the cruel words Mr. Joyce directed at you. But you let none of this get you down; those who abuse you are destined for a "special" reward, sooner or later. You feel particularly warm toward periods, commas, exclamation points, and question marks, and usually wish to have them next to you. Parenthesis can sometimes trouble you.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 77% on Sociability You scored higher than 88% on Sophistication

Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

(Via Sonya Taaffe.)

Auctorial Doppelgangers (7a)

Because I can't resist. (Do go see the originals!)

PICTURED LEFT: Allen Ginsberg, author of Howl and many other poems.

PICTURED RIGHT: Jim Henson, Kermit's bitch. Kidding, people, let's try again: genius behind The Muppet Show and several other classic films and television series.